The Truth Behind Frustration

Pardon my initial stream of consciousness…

I meditate. I work out. I’m self aware. I’m a coach. I shouldn’t get frustrated.

The biggest crock of shit ever. A profession, practice and mindset cannot prevent you from getting frustrated and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.

We are humans. We are complex. We are dynamic.

No one is all frustrated in the same way no one is never frustrated.

These are acts and faces we put on in a poor attempt to fool the world.

I have good days where I only experience minor annoyances or mini-reminders to take a break or change course.

I have bad days like today, where 75% of the things I touch feel like they’re Mt. Everest-level impossible. No one could possibly understand. No one can help. I just want to huff and puff here in my corner of conundrum.

I sign myself up for projects that seem super fun and easy on the front end, but after a week or so, I lose steam and can’t see the path. I isolate. I look for solutions that don’t serve the bigger issue. I doodle pretty pictures. And I judge the shit out of myself.

When frustration moves in, patience and humor get an eviction notice.

God Bless anyone who tries to get anything productive out of me during my frustration periods.

Don’t try troubleshooting the issue.

I don’t want a solution.

I want to be validated in my frustration.

Steer clear and avoid contact at all costs.

Where does frustration come from?

I’m pretty sure there’s a factory under the bridge run by trolls that produce the noxious gases of my frustration. They’re not the cute variety troll with the fuzzy bright colored hair. These are the ugly, warty and stinky kind that try to eat children and kittens.

My frustration comes from feeling like a fraud. It creeps in with a comparison or question from an unlikely source and festers into all out self-doubt and questioning. It starts in the base of my neck and clenches down on every vertebrae and idea that attempts to come from my brain. As the frustration increases, it closes the gate tighter and becomes a vice on my shoulders.

Each attempt to resolve my frustration is met with a laundry lists of reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t do something. It locks in the unworthiness of success. It reminds you that you can just give up any time you want. It shows you pictures of your bed with sweatpants and Netflix. “Just give up!”

Frustration invites itself in with the disguise of being a good worker. It forces itself through in the lies of being productive and motivated. “I must do this.” “I need to do this.” “I should be better at this.”

All lies. Frustration thrives on lies. Lies we hear. Lies we tell ourselves. Lies we tell others.

Why does it exist?

Frustration exists as a physical expression to remind ourselves that we are not machines. That we breakdown. That we are not perfect. That we need to be uncomfortable to grow and stretch. Frustration also shows us clearly where are boundaries and deal-breakers are. When we approach those no-fly zones, our internal system starts to signal. It starts with the tinges of hesitation in our head, then surrounds our neck, and then zonks our energy reserves.

Frustration exists to show us the need for a pause. The pause that tells us we have way more than one option. The pause that reminds us that we don’t have to do it all on our own. The pause that suggest that others have solid ideas too and it wouldn’t hurt us to listen every now and then.

What can you do about it?

Acknowledge it and validate it. Frustration like stress exists to let us know when things aren’t feeling right. So if frustration is triggering Impostor Syndrome, like it does for me, I write and let it all out to get to the root of my frustration. I have a fear of failing and looking like a fraud. In writing this blog post, I was able to process through a solution on a project that was blocking me. I talked to my partner about what I initially thought was an earth-ending issue, and found out it was no big deal.

Frustration manifests in your head, so the best thing you can do is it get everything out of your head an on paper. Don’t talk about it until you write about it. Talking rehashes the emotion and you’re not ready to disconnect from it yet. Give yourself the time and space to truly pause and process. Once you’ve processed, feel free to reach out to a trusted source that gets you. I guarantee by the time you’ve processed, you’ll be feeling much lighter and on your way to resolution.

The key is not to avoid frustration, but to use it as a clue to what you really need to take care of you.